It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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