that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done