How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
