whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think your dad took our porno
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
