She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
