How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
