I hope my margaritas pass through security.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
