peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
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curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
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Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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