Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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