its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
