jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
