I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
