she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
