From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
