'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
