Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
