obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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