dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
