dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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