Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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