Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We need to get me chipped asap
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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