the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
