apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Sober January is a disaster.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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