While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
