so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
