I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
