i just wanna soil my oats bro
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
