Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
