I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We left an ass print on the piano.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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