either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
