THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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