I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
