This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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