Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
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He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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