I showed him my bush... on skype.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
