I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
