yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
