the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
