I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize