Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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