The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We left the knife in your bed.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
