Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
