My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just pee around me
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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