Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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