Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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