i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
