You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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