Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
