I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
