I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
