Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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