i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
