Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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