were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Randomize
