It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
