i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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