Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
