with your own penis?
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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