I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
His hands were made for my vagina.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
