You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
