My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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