Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
