I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
