I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
