did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
