dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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