Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I think my vagina is haunted
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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