We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
