Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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