I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
