Porn is love you can see.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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