I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I've blown a few things in my day
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
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He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
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He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize