Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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