so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
3pm strippers are depressing
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
