haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
