Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
