Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
