I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
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He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
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Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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