Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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