I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
