is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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