I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
