Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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