Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
