I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
